Imagine Wanting Only This: On Abandoned Spaces
When I blindly pick up a book and the Midwest is a main component it feels cozy. I have spent significant time with multiple cities mentioned in Kristen Radke’s graphic novel Imagine Wanting Only This. I didn’t know that going in; I picked this up to read while I wait for the library to acquire her latest, Seek You: A Journey Through American Loneliness.
As a college student in Chicago, Radke hears about a dilapidated town a short-drive away: Gary, Indiana. At nineteen, Radke loses a father figure, her uncle - the same age I lost my dad. Grieving his absence results in an obsession with empty buildings and caverns like the chest that holds the hearts of her family, some of which suffer from a rare heart condition. There used to be something there, and there isn’t anymore.
Around the same time, I graduated high school and a teacher of mine gave our class a document of “advice.” One of the tidbits of knowledge: never stop in Gary, Indiana on the drive to Chicago. It seemed odd and never quite felt right.
I grew up in Metro-Detroit, and much like Radke does, I broke into abandoned buildings to explore multiple times. Occasionally my photographer friends would buy me coffee in exchange for taking my picture. Though I have never been a model by ANY means, apparently a small blonde woman beside graffiti and wreckage was a contrasting visual. (Cue my I-know-better-now-eyeroll.) There is one photo of me wearing a surgical mask, as I type this I am wearing one. I never pictured that happening, but here we are.
Walking around empty streets with nature bursting through concrete feels post-apocalyptic, sure, but it also feels safe. Calm. Quiet. Like the uber-emo Scene Aesthetics’ whiny song, there’s beauty in the breakdown.
This is a coming-of-age book in an unexpected sense. A friendship and romantic partnership are examined, but most of the book happens through Radke’s research and subsequent discoveries. I am interested to see what four years will have done to her writing. It’s evident that she is the kind of person that never stops searching and learning. She has big feelings, but tries to make sense of them through art and… I relate.
